Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Memories of Spamland

Strap in, folks. I'm about to tell you about the greatest spam mail chain I ever had that made Hotmail jerk off directly in my face about... cripes, ten years ago. Aging, man. It happens.

Oh and it's kinda porn-y spam, so you've been warned about that. Still, the language was less offensive than what I regularly use here.

Okay, get this; MAD-LIBS SPAM. If there's an underground awards circuit for this kind of thing, like the spammies or whatever, whoever did this should receive top honors. Every single email followed the same exact pattern with different words dropped in each time. The pattern was as such:

"[Do something destructive] to her [euphemism for vagina] with your [euphemism for big] [euphemism for penis]"

The practical upshot? Shit like this:

"Shatter her snatch with your mammoth johnson."
"Annihilate her cooch with your huge sausage."

And on and on. It was pretty magical, because as I recall they avoided using the same words to a rather impressive degree.

I was actually sad when I lapsed from that spam list.

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I won't tolerate any bullshit here, including anything to do with BBoy culture.